Tomorrow afternoon I graduate from college.
I have been in school for as long as I can remember. I have loved school for as long as I can remember. The first day of each school year has always brought me excitement and the last day of each school year has always brought me a little bit of sadness. Today was my last last day of school. Monday morning I am starting a new season of life. I am indeed looking forward with giddiness and awe and wonder and love, but have no lack of sadness for closing the door on my schooling, and especially on these last four years.
College has been such a gift. I don't yet know what life after college is like, but I could believe people when they say college is some of the best times of their life. Not only was college some of the best years I've yet experienced, but they were the years in which I grew the most I've ever grown. Now, this makes sense, since that is what often happens to people at this age, but it does not fail to amaze me. My God does not fail to amaze me. I have been catching myself sitting, reflecting, looking back, noticing the growth, yet not quite believing that it happened. I can't quite fathom it all, because a work like this is only something that is done by God, and I will never quite be able to understand Him. But that is entirely okay, because I think that brings me even further to my knees in front of Him.
I am feeling a lot of things about graduating (and all that comes with graduation), but a lot of what I am feeling is sadness. I have experienced many car rides of tears pouring down my face as I process what being done with college means and have experienced every Sunday night meeting with my Cru team for the past month with me crying over being done with college.
However, I think it's kind of a sweet sadness. I think that being this sad means that I have many, many sincere reasons to be so thankful for these past four years and for whatever the Lord has coming next.
These tears mean I have people I love. These tears mean I have people that love me. They mean I've been able to go to college and learn and enjoy the past four years. They mean that the first week of college I met a best friend who I'd spend countless dinner hours with, countless nights staying up too late with, cleaning up countless pieces of glitter with, and with whom I'd laugh more than I've ever laughed before. They mean that I met another best friend a year and a half ago who's inspired me to pursue the Lord with my life, who's been the first to really challenge the decisions I make, who helps me fulfill my love for adventure, and who has always been willing to sit across the island from me, eating the same breakfast and contemplating our sweet King. These tears mean that three years ago a little family adopted me into their life and have loved me so hard since. These tears mean that my freshman year I met a girl who I'd never imagined I would be friends with, let alone best friends with, and then a year and a half ago she started hugging me every time she saw me and she showed me a sweet friend love that has included a lot of bear hugs, a lot of excitement, and a lot of Jesus-encouraging. They mean that as I've spent an increasing amount of time with my African sister that I have learned to love Jesus more, that I've experienced sass like there is no tomorrow, and that I always know exactly who to go to when I need to share my tears with someone. They mean that this year the team of students I started working with turned into my home away from home. They mean that over the past four years countless people have shown me love and spoken to me words of kindness and encouragement and I've gotten to know God in ways I didn't know were possible. They mean that I've had fun and choosing my friends over homework and then homework over sleep - and sometimes choosing sleep over homework - was completely worth it. These tears mean that my time here, with these people, have shaped a big part of who I am. That who I am learning to be is a lot because of the things I learned to love while I was in college and because of the people that decided to love me. They mean that I will always feel a special connection to this city and these people and that I will never not enjoy being nostalgic about my time in college.
They mean that I have a heart full of thankfulness for my sweet Jesus and for these beautiful four years he has so gracefully gifted me.