near-grad reflecting

Tomorrow afternoon I graduate from college.
I have been in school for as long as I can remember. I have loved school for as long as I can remember. The first day of each school year has always brought me excitement and the last day of each school year has always brought me a little bit of sadness. Today was my last last day of school. Monday morning I am starting a new season of life. I am indeed looking forward with giddiness and awe and wonder and love, but have no lack of sadness for closing the door on my schooling, and especially on these last four years.

College has been such a gift. I don't yet know what life after college is like, but I could believe people when they say college is some of the best times of their life. Not only was college some of the best years I've yet experienced, but they were the years in which I grew the most I've ever grown. Now, this makes sense, since that is what often happens to people at this age, but it does not fail to amaze me. My God does not fail to amaze me. I have been catching myself sitting, reflecting, looking back, noticing the growth, yet not quite believing that it happened. I can't quite fathom it all, because a work like this is only something that is done by God, and I will never quite be able to understand Him. But that is entirely okay, because I think that brings me even further to my knees in front of Him.

I am feeling a lot of things about graduating (and all that comes with graduation), but a lot of what I am feeling is sadness. I have experienced many car rides of tears pouring down my face as I process what being done with college means and have experienced every Sunday night meeting with my Cru team for the past month with me crying over being done with college.

However, I think it's kind of a sweet sadness. I think that being this sad means that I have many, many sincere reasons to be so thankful for these past four years and for whatever the Lord has coming next.

These tears mean I have people I love. These tears mean I have people that love me. They mean I've been able to go to college and learn and enjoy the past four years. They mean that the first week of college I met a best friend who I'd spend countless dinner hours with, countless nights staying up too late with, cleaning up countless pieces of glitter with, and with whom I'd laugh more than I've ever laughed before. They mean that I met another best friend a year and a half ago who's inspired me to pursue the Lord with my life, who's been the first to really challenge the decisions I make, who helps me fulfill my love for adventure, and who has always been willing to sit across the island from me, eating the same breakfast and contemplating our sweet King. These tears mean that three years ago a little family adopted me into their life and have loved me so hard since. These tears mean that my freshman year I met a girl who I'd never imagined I would be friends with, let alone best friends with, and then a year and a half ago she started hugging me every time she saw me and she showed me a sweet friend love that has included a lot of bear hugs, a lot of excitement, and a lot of Jesus-encouraging. They mean that as I've spent an increasing amount of time with my African sister that I have learned to love Jesus more, that I've experienced sass like there is no tomorrow, and that I always know exactly who to go to when I need to share my tears with someone. They mean that this year the team of students I started working with turned into my home away from home. They mean that over the past four years countless people have shown me love and spoken to me words of kindness and encouragement and I've gotten to know God in ways I didn't know were possible. They mean that I've had fun and choosing my friends over homework and then homework over sleep - and sometimes choosing sleep over homework - was completely worth it. These tears mean that my time here, with these people, have shaped a big part of who I am. That who I am learning to be is a lot because of the things I learned to love while I was in college and because of the people that decided to love me. They mean that I will always feel a special connection to this city and these people and that I will never not enjoy being nostalgic about my time in college.

They mean that I have a heart full of thankfulness for my sweet Jesus and for these beautiful four years he has so gracefully gifted me.

3 - march // prayinprayinprayin

Today, I am thankful for grace.

It's really, really easy for me to quit focusing [I am a 9 on the enneagram...]. I forget the big picture. I just let time pass by - I kind of forget that being alive is a gift. That I'm to steward my gifts well, and that includes my time. So although my intentions for the month of February were to focus on prayer, I didn't allow it to happen in the way I had wanted it to because I just let it float by.
It's also really easy for me to to let something like that to discourage me - to let myself believe that I'm not any good and that it's not worth me trying because I won't be able to do it. But I'm learning to rest in God's grace. That he's not telling me to be discouraged or to feel unworthy. That he's still looking at me in pure love. He's giving me grace, even though I let February slide. And although he wants me to learn from this, it is seriously so relieving to be sitting in his grace and to have another encouraging opportunity to love God.

At the end of February, I read this article: The Key to Spiritual Breakthrough. IT WAS SO GOOD

And having read that and being like, "DANG, if Jesus prayed, why am I not?" and realizing that I let February pass me by, I decided that March would also be focused on prayer.

I think God's using this season of life I'm in as a prompting for me to pray. I am uncertain about everything that's going on, everything that's going to happen, and just sitting through it is really unsettling.

But I'm learning to rest in his sovereignty and rest in knowing that He knows the decisions I'm going to make and He knows the way he's going to lead me through them. And I'm only coming to this point of rest and this point of peace through praying that he'd give it to me and that he'd help me understand who He is so that I'd know there's no reason to feel unsettled about the future.

Philippians 4:6-7 says "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

So the next twenty days of March, I'm trying to be more intentional with my time - more intentional in using my time to pray and in seizing the opportunities that I even just think about praying to actually just pray. I will be praying for next year, this summer, my family, student teaching, my freshmen girls. I will be praying that I'd love Jesus more, to pursue him with all that I've got, to trust in the lovingly unique way he made me, to see the value in dropping everything I have to follow him, that I'd continuously fix my eyes upon him, and that I would understand him more so that these things would just come. I'm praying that I'd learn what it means to live in reverence for him and that I'd learn that all of this is possible when living in Christ Jesus. I'm praying that prayer becomes critical to me.

Please, ask me how this is going for me. Please, ask me to pray for you. I'm asking the Lord to work and I want you to be a part of that.


so much love,
Alyssa

2 - february // a woman of prayer

John 14:13-14
You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!




When Jesus returns and I get to stand in front of my sweet Savior, I want him to look at me and say 

"Alyssa, thank you for trusting me with your prayers. Thank you for coming to me and asking things of me."

I want to become a woman of prayer. A prayer warrior. 

So, this month of February - potentially a tricky month, for various reasons - my days will be spent in prayer. The purpose of this is not to be recognized for something I did as I get to talk with Jesus when I later stand in front of him, but to spend my lifetime growing closer to Jesus, asking and expecting big things of a big God, and learning the power of prayer.

I think that and I've been told that prayer is a big part of our walk with God. It's literally a conversation with him. But I want to understand (as much as I can) how significant that is. I want to spend my whole day conversing with the Lord. I want to constantly be taking him into consideration, asking him how he would respond to whatever situation, requesting his presence, and getting to know his righteousness, love, and sovereignty. I want not only my life to be affected by prayer, but the lives of those around me as well. I want to pray for the people I love more than I have before. I want to know God at a depth that is deeper than I've been before. I want to understand the beauty and privilege of having God living inside of me - of what it means to be able to pray to a God that loves me and listens to me and is always present.

I'm not sure how to put this desire into words, really, because I don't understand prayer very much. But I'm looking forward to this month of getting to know my God better and looking forward to this life of pursuing a very communicative and intimate relationship with Him.



Praising Jesus that he's helping me recognize the need for prayer and the need for him.


xoxox


James 4:7-8

So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to god, and God will come close to you.

Romans 8:26-28
And the Holy Spirits helps us in our darkness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groan sings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for he Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

John 14:13-14
You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!

Matthew 7:7-8
Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. You parents-if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to hose who ask him.

James 5:13-18
Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praises. ... Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. Elijah was as human as we are, and yet when he prayed earnestly that no rain would fall, none fell for three and a half years! Then, when he prayed again, the sky sent down rain and the earth began to yield its crops.

Ephesians 3:14-21
When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

Romans 3:22

We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.

Love love love,
Alyssa

Want to challenge me? Ask me how it's going! Or send me your prayer requests!