It's really, really easy for me to quit focusing [I am a 9 on the enneagram...]. I forget the big picture. I just let time pass by - I kind of forget that being alive is a gift. That I'm to steward my gifts well, and that includes my time. So although my intentions for the month of February were to focus on prayer, I didn't allow it to happen in the way I had wanted it to because I just let it float by.
It's also really easy for me to to let something like that to discourage me - to let myself believe that I'm not any good and that it's not worth me trying because I won't be able to do it. But I'm learning to rest in God's grace. That he's not telling me to be discouraged or to feel unworthy. That he's still looking at me in pure love. He's giving me grace, even though I let February slide. And although he wants me to learn from this, it is seriously so relieving to be sitting in his grace and to have another encouraging opportunity to love God.
At the end of February, I read this article: The Key to Spiritual Breakthrough. IT WAS SO GOOD
And having read that and being like, "DANG, if Jesus prayed, why am I not?" and realizing that I let February pass me by, I decided that March would also be focused on prayer.
I think God's using this season of life I'm in as a prompting for me to pray. I am uncertain about everything that's going on, everything that's going to happen, and just sitting through it is really unsettling.
But I'm learning to rest in his sovereignty and rest in knowing that He knows the decisions I'm going to make and He knows the way he's going to lead me through them. And I'm only coming to this point of rest and this point of peace through praying that he'd give it to me and that he'd help me understand who He is so that I'd know there's no reason to feel unsettled about the future.
Philippians 4:6-7 says "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
So the next twenty days of March, I'm trying to be more intentional with my time - more intentional in using my time to pray and in seizing the opportunities that I even just think about praying to actually just pray. I will be praying for next year, this summer, my family, student teaching, my freshmen girls. I will be praying that I'd love Jesus more, to pursue him with all that I've got, to trust in the lovingly unique way he made me, to see the value in dropping everything I have to follow him, that I'd continuously fix my eyes upon him, and that I would understand him more so that these things would just come. I'm praying that I'd learn what it means to live in reverence for him and that I'd learn that all of this is possible when living in Christ Jesus. I'm praying that prayer becomes critical to me.
Please, ask me how this is going for me. Please, ask me to pray for you. I'm asking the Lord to work and I want you to be a part of that.
so much love,
Alyssa
