He's working

I spent a lot of my semester wondering what was happening on this campus for us - why I was here; why our efforts weren't bearing fruit; why it seemed like every conversation we had was a disappointment. And then God taught me that these "efforts" wouldn't be fruitful by our own will and wisdom, but by the power and desire of Him.
One of his desires that I learned is to pick up everything I have, toss it up to him, and rely on my glorious God to take the reigns and to be there through my every letdown, every victory, and every in-between. Without this reliance (aka a little thing called "faith"), I'm not letting God be glorified. Without it, it's just me - trying to get any and all attention, hoping that what I do is good enough - that what I do is capable of changing hearts and opening minds.
But friends, that's not what happens when you take those reigns into your own hands. You fail. Because we're human! Our nature is brokenness - we're not capable of complete goodness, compassion, love, and especially not perfection.
I, as a broken human, literally cannot succeed.... but our God can. He is entirely filled with love, and from love comes everything good. And if this God makes the rivers flow, gives millipedes their legs, created every atom in your body, and lights up the world with the sun, try to imagine how big that makes him. This huge God is entirely filled with an unconditional love from which all things come. Why would I want to take the spotlight from someone so amazing? Why would I think I can even compete with that?

When God opened my eyes to this truth about a month ago, desires for Him to show up on this campus so that His sweet name, not mine, would be worshipped, He knocked on the door to our little house to show that he'd always been here. That he's working.


We'd actually met Stephanie two or three months ago. But what's another face? Another name? Not much to me, sadly.. but so much to God. We'd been walking around, butting into conversations, inviting people to come talk with us about Jesus. We would introduce ourselves, where we're from, say we're Christians, and explain that we wanna talk about Jesus with all the students on this campus. Puttin' it right out there. We hadn't had any luck yet, and this afternoon wasn't any different for us.

But it was for Stephanie.

I, myself, barely remember the conversation (I don't even remember Stephanie - an unknown face - being there) - just that it was a little awkward because I'd met a couple of the kids before. I also remember that I had hoped one of my semi-acquaintances would say something encouraging, but not a single person in this group of 10 or 15 kids showed any interest in what we were doing. We continued on, mechanically talking to lost kids, but believing they were so lost that nothing would change them.

A couple weeks ago, Stephanie told me that that invitation was the first positive Christian theme she'd heard on that campus in the four years she'd been there.
She told me she was scared to speak up in front of her atheist friends during that brief conversation, but it was one of the most encouraging and interesting things she'd heard there.
A week after this conversation, she and her friend were quietly spinning on the bikes in the gym when her friend glanced over and said, "Ya know, praying to God just gives me a lot of comfort," and didn't say anything more.
A couple weeks after that, she went to the English Club led by some of our Christian friends.
The following week, she and I both went to English Club. That day we spent playing games and finished by doing a picture survey - one that finishes with the question "In one image, what do you wish your spiritual life were like?"

Miss Stephanie responded to the question with the desire to grow in her relationship with God - to fall in love again with him, to find happiness and peace in Christ, and to refocus her life on him.

God is working.

He wants Stephanie. And actually, now he has her.
Two weeks after this, Abs and I spent some time with her, the Holy Spirit worked through us, and we tried to explain the unconditionality of God's love and Stephanie began to understand that that was what she wanted in her life. That that was what she needed.

God's really been here, working. I just need to step off to the side, catch my breath, and let him permanently take the lead to keep bringing his truth to the corners of the world.