más Chile

    We were Skyping tonight - me and Abby and the director of Cru Study Abroad - and reflecting on our trip, talking about new ideas, throwing out prayer requests. It was good to talk about our time in Chile with someone who knew what we had been experiencing and had follow-up questions to things we had shared with him during the semester. 

    Then Brian was starting to wrap up the conversation, to say goodbye, and I understood that this is the end. Our 5.5 months in Chile is over. Even though we've been home for over a month, it's finally, unfortunately, officially over. Back to our normal lives. Closing this chapter. Beginning a new one. Our life-changing, long, scary, fun, loving, growing, stretching, strengthening semester is done, gone, and past. This Skype conversation tonight was our last scheduled follow-up and it hit me hard. I'm not ready for it to be done.

    Chile is now a big part of my life. It's a part of my story. And anything a part of anyone's story is significant, right? This definitely is for me. 

    I, Alyssa, with the middle name Procrastinator, haven't done much reflecting. I've not thought a ton about how God changed me or what he taught me or what I need to take and apply to the rest of my life. I don't want it to be the time where Chile is over, where I have to actually begin the "reflection" stage and move out of the "living" stage. I don't want it to be, but it's happening. The world is moving on, whether I'm ready or not.

    And although I'm not ready and it seems like my time is over, it doesn't matter. My physical time in Chile is long gone, but life is just beginning. Each moment is a new start and a new opportunity for God to use me and for me to let God do so. For him to take control, to sweep me off my feet, carry me where I need to go, and do what he asks me to do. He'll teach me and guide me and comfort me and choose me and love me again and again and again. He'll push me if I'm not ready, and he'll take my hands once I am. 

    Because I want God to reveal my heart and his works in it to me, I need to move on - to not be stuck in a time that really was wonderful but that really has passed. This exact second is a new beginning. I wouldn't quite say "ready" is the correct word to describe my feelings, but I know that now is the time for me to live in the present and let God teach me what he will. 

    Chile isn't really done, partly because I haven't let God help me apply anything I learned there to my life, but mostly because it's a part of my story. And so it won't ever really be done.